someone get that fucking seahorse.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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