I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
