what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you didnt know i had herpes?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
