im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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