This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
