A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this beer tastes like vomit already
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize