what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
