So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
