Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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