Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
