guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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