Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i black out too much to be "responsible"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
