I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
