anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
