i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize