just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Randomize
