Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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