Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
