How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
