Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
