You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dignity is for republicans.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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