was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize