I hate your face
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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