I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
