The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
