he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
