I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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