So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
