Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize