He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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