Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
