3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize