I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
