can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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