As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
