Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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