I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
