I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
this hospital has no fireball
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
