And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
