exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
