We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
