I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
