She is in my trunk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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