Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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