She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize