I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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