do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
