kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
