Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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