I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
