After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
