your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The uberlube is also flammable
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
