apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
