After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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