Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
