I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
