Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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