K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dignity is for republicans.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
