I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
