I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
