I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
