Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
