i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
