Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
