is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
