I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
