I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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