I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize