Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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