Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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