My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
