wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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