I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
