sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
