Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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