Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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