She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
