Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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