I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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