We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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