its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
