I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
